I think that I view a better version of myself as someone who cares for other people but who also cares for my own well-being as well.
When I look at my short life, and I evaluate it comparatively to those who have made something of their names, I do not see any legitimate comparison at all. I find myself to be quite dull and lacking in all aspects of my life. Sure, I have had a few successes, but do they really mean anything? To me, perhaps. To my parents, sure. But to the world? They haven’t even a clue as to who I am. To God? I am quite sure that it means everything to Him. However, I also want to make a name for myself, and I’m sure He understands that.
I have my heroes and heroins; those of who I look up to and can’t help but delve my time and spirit into reading about their glorious little lives. As much as I shouldn’t, I evaluate my life, my struggles, my successes, and yet I come back empty-handed. I should be proud, shouldn’t I? Yet, I feel there is something in my past that is missing.
I was never a straight-A student, yet if I applied myself the way that I should have I may have surprised myself. I never considered myself to have extraordinary gifts. I’m an artist, yes. I have gained reputation in school and to others of my talent, but is that enough? I don’t see myself as anything special, yet I yearn from my soul to be known and to make some sort of difference in this cold, yet beautiful world. I have never been considered brilliant, yet I desire to become so.
What is it in our lives, in our being that predetermines what kind of affect we are going to have on the rest of the world? To inspire people. There are those who walk day-by-day to work, to school, through life, yet hardly anyone knows their name. There are those who have tried and tried, and yet hardly anyone knows their name. What makes a person a scholar, a poet, an artist, a scientist, a name that is on every wall of every aspiring college student who wants to make a name of their own? A name whose quotes are flittering through the minds and hearts of intellectuals and the gifted. A name you see on billboards to remind the oncoming drivers or passengers that they have the chance to change their own lives?
I can’t help but think about the destinies of man and of the fates of each person I come into contact with. Who are they going to become? Where are they going to end up? Why are some of us born with tremendously high IQs, yet some of us are born with very low IQs? Sometimes I wonder of those who even though they have low IQs, are they not ingenious because they can use what they have obtained to the best of their advantage? I have known of people who have been born with mental handicaps, yet they are much more clever than even some geniuses. This also pertains to those with physical handicaps as well, as it always amazes me how people who have been born differently or who were in an accident ingeniously adapts to human society. Then it occurs to me, that maybe the reason why some of us are predestined to inspire millions of other people is because we have used what is given to us to the full, if not overflowing, capacity.
By all means, use what you have. You never know where it’s going to take you.
“God, how I ricochet between certainties and doubts.” – Sylvia Plath