As my post header suggests, I do not have any current readers as I have just recently created a WordPress account. I hope to find more enthusiasm to write on WordPress than I did on Blogspot. You may ask, “What’s the difference?” Not much, but starting over on a new blogging platform makes me feel as if I am rediscovering myself again I suppose. I am in a state of myself that is most current and definitely ‘now’, so I do not have to answer to my former self from when I created Blogspot. Let’s just say, I am a bit discontent with myself on Blogspot than I am now. This is not to say that I am dishonest with who I am, because I am very much an open book when someone makes their attention and empathy present to me. I was, however, a bit dishonest when I first created Blogspot. I presented myself as this all-knowing, very stylish fashionista type teenager who was into all of the latest trends, high fashion, what-not. I do love fashion, let me tell you, but I am definitely not one to just stick to the trends and current fashions of the season. I have my own sense of style too, that is beyond the mere subject of fashion.
I am going to open myself up to anyone who is interested to my passions of art, literature, history, philosophy, politics, science, religion, and yes, even fashion. I have many interests, which in turn has been hard for me in the past to decide on what to do with myself for the next forty to fifty some-odd years. Here is a piece of history of myself: I have always been an avid reader, even by starting out as a tiny little girl who pulled out reference and my parents former text books from the lower shelf just to look at the pictures. My parents actually had to bolt the bookcase to the wall because I did this so frequently. Anyway, my mother had a pretty big book about the human body and all of the different diseases and disorders that were currently founded at the time of the book printing, which I believe was in the eighties. I looked at that book all the time, and to my mother’s dismay actually became tattered from my childish, clumsy usage of it. One day, I came upon the brain stem, and being such a visual person, was very much intrigued by the image and structure. To me, as a five-year-old, it looked like a body-less creature with huge insect eyes and stringy hair. How strange is that? Anyway, as much as I could, I read that it had to do with a part of the brain (obviously.) I decided to myself, and later announced to my parents that I wanted to become a brain doctor. Later, probably about a few months to a year afterward, my mom and I were looking through the book so that she could explain any questions that I had. I pointed to a photo of a pair of bean-shaped organs with long stringy things hanging from them and asked, “What are those?” She explained to me that they were the kidneys, and that they filtered the blood. It was then decided that I wanted to become a kidney doctor (or a nephrologist I later started to say), and it remained that way until I was about twelve. Anyway, during my nephrology-induced fascination, I used to carry around a photo of a set of real kidneys that were taken out for experimentation. I would show this photo to people (without a thought that it would disgust them), and one day, for show-and-tell, I brought the picture with me to show to the class. Most of my classmates were disgusted by the photo and told me to put it away, and my teacher advised to me that the picture probably wasn’t a good idea to show to kids my age. I was disappointed, and confused as to why anyone would disdain from anything so interesting! Oh well…
When I was thirteen years old, I referenced my interest into that much-loved, tattered beyond belief book again. With more understanding, I started to read through the diseases from A-Z, but to acquire in my mind the basics of this world’s ailments. I was also trying to find this certain disorder that I had heard about from a movie called, “Wide Awake,” in which this little boy’s friend would randomly fall and hurt himself. I didn’t remember what they called it in the movie, as I had seen the movie a long time ago, but I knew it started with either an E or I. Determined, yet laxly I flipped through the pages and found a series of pictures of a man falling and seizing. “That’s it!” I thought, and it turned out that yes, it did start with an e, and it was called epilepsy. It was then that I realized I wanted to have everything to do with this illness. It just struck me so hard and so unexpectedly. I read everything I could about epilepsy, whether it was details about the disorder or other people’s personal accounts, to even reading the details of genetics and neurotransmitters that played a part of seizures. I When I was sixteen, I even had a journal I kept to which I wrote my ideas and theories on why seizures happen and how to actually cure the illness. From the time I was thirteen to when I was eighteen, my career-based goals changed from: epileptologist, neurologist, neuroscientist, and then to neurosurgeon with a special interest in epilepsy. Surgeons like Ben Carson inspired me, and I wanted to meet anyone who could enlighten me of my interest in different, more professional ways.
Although I was very much still interested in epilepsy, my possible career-path changed when I was a senior in high school to which I was self-introduced to massive state hospitals and mental illness. I had always been a bit interested in the morbid and human condition, but as I sat at my computer staring at the gigantic, decorate, Gothic architecture of the Danvers State Hospital, I hungered to read about these hospitals more. I read about the Kirkbride plan, frontal and transorbital lobotomies, electroconvulsive shock therapy, schizophrenia, the history of how the mentally ill was treated, and throughout this research period I was both captivated and saddened. I turned my interest to how to help the mentally ill, and I decided to go into psychology after I graduated from high-school. I am still currently a psychology major, but with my interest in art as well I have changed my choices from being a psychiatrist, clinical psychologist, neuropsychologist, to being an art therapist. I feel that I can help people with not only psychiatric disorders, but with Alzheimer’s, stressful family backgrounds, fine and motor skill deficiencies, and even epilepsy through art. Through the cracks I have thought of other professions as well, such as a teacher, an artist, and coroner, a librarian, and even an architect, but I am pretty content with my choice right now. Hopefully I will not have to change my mind again. Anyway, that is a little about me. How about you? What were your college major or career plans throughout your life? What are you interested in? Thank you for reading.
“Leave it to God. It is an astonishing thought. It can become a life-transforming thought … unclench the fists of your spirit and take it easy … What deadens us most to God’s presence within us, I think, is the inner dialogue that we are continuously engaged in with ourselves, the endless chatter of human thought. I suspect that there is nothing more crucial to true spiritual comfort … than being able from time to time to stop that chatter …” – Frederick Buechner