My Morning: Post-Wedding Edition

It has been way too long since I have written anything in-depth about my life or how I’m feeling. Ever since last March, I have been immersed in wedding planning as my now-husband proposed to me that last 16th of the 3rd month of the 2014th year (clever, huh?) Anxiously, I felt I didn’t have much freedom or room to really focus on much else except the wedding, to which I contained myself into a mental box. Now I feel so much better, and to say the least, my creative juices have been flowing today!

Anyway, I suppose you are interested in the wedding or what I have in store for the future. The wedding itself was amazing! With an abundance of both emotion and fun, I can now say, like many others, that my wedding day was the best day of my life! I married the man of my dreams – my soulmate – and I’m glad to say I am happy I have finally arrived to this point of my existence. For now, we still have yet to go on our honeymoon (Disney World!!), but I am focusing on going back to school in the summer. I am focused on finally getting my degree.

I will not write too much more today, as I have a lot of cleaning to do, but I just wanted to post an update for readers who are still interested. I will post a lot more about the wedding and the planning process on another day. I hope a photo of my morning will suffice!

MyMorning31915

“I let my mind wander and it never came back.” – Dau Voire

Advertisements

It’s Your Life

‘A new year, a new me’ right?

If that is what inspires you, who am I to take that quote away from you and tell you whether or not it is cliche? 

However, why plan the time when it is best for you to change yourself for the better? Why put off transforming yourself into a better person (especially when you have ideas on how to do so)? The time is always now. The time to blossom into the next uplifting phase of your life is always now.

Don’t wait your life away on that one perfect “moment.” That one “perfect” time of the year. I know, I remember stating in a previous entry that one of the reasons I love fall is because it makes me feel I can start over again…but, think about it. You start off the new part of the year thinking to yourself, “Oh yes, now I can start all over again, and I will get it right this time!” Then you start to feel overwhelmed. You start to feel dissatisfied with your goals that you had set up for yourself the month before. You start to change your perspective on things, and you start to find new goals. “Oh, well, I can start those new goals next spring.” Next winter. Next year. Next. Next. Next.

No, if you are evolving as a person, and you want to take on new inspirations, new dreams, goals, whatever, the time to do so is now.

Why rely on a blasted time-frame, a year, to find the content and happiness for yourself? Our lives are short, especially when you factor in unsuspecting circumstances such as accidents or sickness. We are so fragile. Our time is so fragile. 

I do not have room to speak. I have had this mindset for as long as I can remember, and I even felt this way back in good ol’ 2013. I’ll stop eating so much once 2014 gets here. I am now trying to change – mentally – on how to live life to the fullest as I can. I don’t have time to wait, and neither do you. 

My goals – to start right now – is to become healthier, to eat less fast-food and processed foods. To read poems and literature that I have not yet read or material I have never even heard of. To travel to places I have never been before…even if they are only forty-five minutes away. To paint my dreams, to sketch more. To organize my life, my priorities. 

What are your goals for yourself? Do you feel that you have been putting off those goals and improvements for your life? What are they?

“Every day I discover more and more beautiful things. It’s enough to drive one mad. I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.” – Claude Monet

Aside

A Break Is Needed

I’ve been awake since about three, and although I am incredibly exhausted, I am also very much awake.

I need to reevaluate my life. I need to reevaluate my priorities. I need to reevaluate myself as a person.

I try to formulate myself into someone I’m not, I’m afraid. Someone who is not me at the present (nor was in the past), but someone who I would like to become. However, much as I want to be my ideal self, I become bored and lazy and unmotivated, and so I get myself into the mess that I am in now. I see myself as a knowledgeable, cultured, other-worldly, “walking encyclopedia” kind of person in the future. With in mind of the goal person I emulate myself to be, there comes many challenges. For starters, ever since I was a child I have always had a hard time keeping still. My mind was everywhere, and I wanted to do everything and be everywhere. Teachers insisted that my parents take me to be checked for ADHD, to which they refused. I can never stay focused on the task at hand, and I become bored very easily. One day I’ll say, “I want to learn all about trees and be able to identify all of the leaves!” to which I will read about them…for about a day or so. Then I will become bored, and turn my attention to something else entirely – which makes me feel as if I didn’t finish what I wanted to do.

This lead to problems in school, naturally. I would get bored with the homework and the assignments and drift off to dream-land – sketching whenever I could. I didn’t study as much as I should have, and I never could grasp an efficient strategy on doing so without getting immediately distracted. This may be a reason why I was never very good at math. However, as a twenty-two year old, I should be able to concentrate on what I have been told to do, no questions asked. However, that is still a very difficult thing for me to do, and it infuriates me (toward myself) that I have let things get out of hand. There are days when I feel so exhausted from my efforts and petty anxieties, that my mind becomes so befuddled to the point of vegetation.

“Just stick with it! Don’t give up! Things will get better.” Easier said than done. I don’t really need advice, and I don’t need pep-talk. I need someone to listen unquestionably and to let me know that I’m not alone. In all honesty, I would have to make the opinion that “pep-talk” is just wishful, empty conversation from someone who has nothing else to say. Stop. I don’t need mindless pep-talk. I don’t need obtrusive, overbearing advice either. I just want to know that you are a human being just like I am, and that I am not alone.

I feel the best thing for me to do is to take a break from things. To recuperate. I’m not quitting. My future is too important for me to quit, but I also feel that my future depends on my mind taking somewhat of a vacation as well. Also, prayer wouldn’t hurt in the least. I must do that more often.

Audrey

My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.” – Coco Chanel

Image

Anxiety and self-doubt is always behind me. Image credit to John “Don” Kenn